Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't think brook has ever known best
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
