I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
