Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
