so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
