brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
