I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
