My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
