Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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