She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
