did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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