It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
