just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
