tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
