idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
