ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
