evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
