I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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