i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
