Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
