Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize