Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
