Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
