Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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