Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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