i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
