DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
