Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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