Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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