from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
be right there i have to get my cape
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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