how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
