You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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