Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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