I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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