i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
