I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i will never coherently bang her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
