Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
