So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
