I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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