Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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