Will you blow on my dice?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
