If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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