Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
