a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
