Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
