u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My feet surprised me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
