ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
