you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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