turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
