Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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