I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
