I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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