So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
