We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
