he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
