That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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