you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
