I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
