i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
