my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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