If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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