tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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