Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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