I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
