why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
