Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
