youre lurking in front of me
one two three fourrrrnication!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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