Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
