i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
