We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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