Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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