tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
