They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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